December 9th, 1980 12:05 am – Tuesday

An hour ago John Lennon was shot twice in the back outside of his New York City apartment. He was rushed to the hospital – PRONOUNCED DEAD ON ARRIVAL.  

I can’t believe this. I am so crushed. I was in Craig’s room when this girl Nancy walked in and said, ” Did you hear?? John Lennon is dead.” Neither Craig or I believed her. But I felt my heart sink and I felt nauseous.

She said what happened. I held my ears. I refused to believe it. It couldn’t be true.

The whole dorm was talking about it. All the radio stations are playing Lennon.

It’s just not fair. I grew up with him and the Beatles. I feel as if I know him. And I love him. He’s like a friend. He’s fucking dead.

What kind of sicko could do such a fucking thing!!

I just want to cry. It’s not fair. Not him. Not John Lennon. He is immortal.

Will the others attend the funeral? Paul, Ringo, and George. A very sad day in history. I think it is the saddest for me ever.

I called Popper and told him. I needed to cry with him. He couldn’t believe it. I wish I was there with him. I wish I was home.

The news says the who guy shot him was “a local screwball”. NO MOTIVE.

I hope he fucking gets killed. SICKO!

Poor Yoko. Man, she must be going crazy. His kids will grow up not knowing what a beautiful, generous man they had for a dad.

I cried so hard. I still can’t believe it. I am very affected by this. It will take me a very long time to comprehend this.

I won’t be able to handle the news coverage.

I hope they don’t show any of the funeral or other Beatles on TV, I’ll wail.

later:

I went upstairs to 910. They were all cracking jokes about John Lennon’s death. I got upset. They said I was being dumb for getting upset. I tried to stick up for myself and him – I nearly cried in front of them – but I forced myself not to They think I’m over-reacting. I wish they understood how personal this is to me..

As I was coming downstairs, I bumped into a girl I know, KB. She was crying hysterically. I sat with her for awhile. I cried a little, but I actually found it hard to cry with her. I had to call my mom.

I can’t remember the last time I cried to my mom about anything. I don’t think I’ve shared anything so upsetting with her.. I usually share it with Popper.

I called her and cried hysterically to her. I knew she would understand. I just had to talk to her.

She was stunned.

A fucking senseless murder!!

What is happening to our society? How could something like this happen? He was murdered. ASSASSINATED.

This is a black, black day in history. And I am no exaggerating this. This is important. A rock star!! Killed – MURDERED. CRAZY.

I don’t want to see tomorrow’s paper. I’m gonna breakdown.

What an impact. Many thousands, millions of people will be affected by this.

A radio station here in Boston, WBCN, has gotten word that all regular programming will be suspended  for 24 hours because of this.

I’m so sad.

I wish someone was here to hug me. I want Popper – I love him. I wish I could cry in his arms.

I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. I’m gonna cry, I know I will. It’s so hard for me to express how I feel about this. I truly believe that society wouldn’t be the way it is today without the Beatles. And John Lennon brought peace and love into this crazy, mixed-up world And he was only 40 years old when he was senselessly taken out of this fucked up world.

Witnesses said that the suspect put into the police car had a smirk on his face.

I’m not going to end this entry into my journal with song lyrics tonight. There are no lyrics that can express the way I feel, that can express such tragedy, or that can express what a beautiful human being John Lennon was. I’ll close with this pain in my heart. I will feel it for a long time to come. And each time I come back and read this, I will feel the emptiness creep into me like it has tonight. And I’ll cry.

To John Lennon, I love you. Rest In Peace.

 

 

 

 

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