December 9th, 1980 12:05 am – Tuesday

An hour ago John Lennon was shot twice in the back outside of his New York City apartment. He was rushed to the hospital – PRONOUNCED DEAD ON ARRIVAL.  

I can’t believe this. I am so crushed. I was in Craig’s room when this girl Nancy walked in and said, ” Did you hear?? John Lennon is dead.” Neither Craig or I believed her. But I felt my heart sink and I felt nauseous.

She said what happened. I held my ears. I refused to believe it. It couldn’t be true.

The whole dorm was talking about it. All the radio stations are playing Lennon.

It’s just not fair. I grew up with him and the Beatles. I feel as if I know him. And I love him. He’s like a friend. He’s fucking dead.

What kind of sicko could do such a fucking thing!!

I just want to cry. It’s not fair. Not him. Not John Lennon. He is immortal.

Will the others attend the funeral? Paul, Ringo, and George. A very sad day in history. I think it is the saddest for me ever.

I called Popper and told him. I needed to cry with him. He couldn’t believe it. I wish I was there with him. I wish I was home.

The news says the who guy shot him was “a local screwball”. NO MOTIVE.

I hope he fucking gets killed. SICKO!

Poor Yoko. Man, she must be going crazy. His kids will grow up not knowing what a beautiful, generous man they had for a dad.

I cried so hard. I still can’t believe it. I am very affected by this. It will take me a very long time to comprehend this.

I won’t be able to handle the news coverage.

I hope they don’t show any of the funeral or other Beatles on TV, I’ll wail.


I went upstairs to 910. They were all cracking jokes about John Lennon’s death. I got upset. They said I was being dumb for getting upset. I tried to stick up for myself and him – I nearly cried in front of them – but I forced myself not to They think I’m over-reacting. I wish they understood how personal this is to me..

As I was coming downstairs, I bumped into a girl I know, KB. She was crying hysterically. I sat with her for awhile. I cried a little, but I actually found it hard to cry with her. I had to call my mom.

I can’t remember the last time I cried to my mom about anything. I don’t think I’ve shared anything so upsetting with her.. I usually share it with Popper.

I called her and cried hysterically to her. I knew she would understand. I just had to talk to her.

She was stunned.

A fucking senseless murder!!

What is happening to our society? How could something like this happen? He was murdered. ASSASSINATED.

This is a black, black day in history. And I am no exaggerating this. This is important. A rock star!! Killed – MURDERED. CRAZY.

I don’t want to see tomorrow’s paper. I’m gonna breakdown.

What an impact. Many thousands, millions of people will be affected by this.

A radio station here in Boston, WBCN, has gotten word that all regular programming will be suspended  for 24 hours because of this.

I’m so sad.

I wish someone was here to hug me. I want Popper – I love him. I wish I could cry in his arms.

I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. I’m gonna cry, I know I will. It’s so hard for me to express how I feel about this. I truly believe that society wouldn’t be the way it is today without the Beatles. And John Lennon brought peace and love into this crazy, mixed-up world And he was only 40 years old when he was senselessly taken out of this fucked up world.

Witnesses said that the suspect put into the police car had a smirk on his face.

I’m not going to end this entry into my journal with song lyrics tonight. There are no lyrics that can express the way I feel, that can express such tragedy, or that can express what a beautiful human being John Lennon was. I’ll close with this pain in my heart. I will feel it for a long time to come. And each time I come back and read this, I will feel the emptiness creep into me like it has tonight. And I’ll cry.

To John Lennon, I love you. Rest In Peace.





December 3rd, 1980 – Wednesday

I haven’t had time to write. I’m too busy. Thanksgiving was okay. I didn’t eat much. Popper and Ryan say I’m fat. I didn’t get to see Carol much. That bummed me out.

Now I’m back and I’ve got shitloads of stuff to do. Only a week and half left of Term 1. It went so fast. I really screwed up this term. But I’ve learned my lesson.

December 15th is the Bruce Springsteen concert!! I can’t wait. I’m gonna let it all out at the concert. Hyper-City!

After the concert, I go home (on the 16th) for x-mas. But will I have a chance to relax when I get there? NOOOooooo! I’ve gotta go x-mas shopping and make x-mas cards, etc. “Happy Holidays”

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know…”

p.s. – Just thought I’d add that Popper and I got along like cat and dog while I was home. We sorta made an agreement to see other people, if anything comes up, and “hang buck” for awhile. Things will work out.

And, I saw Rick B while I was home. We stayed out until 5 o’clock drinking at the Ramapough Inn. We had a blast. He is such a sweetheart. He said a lot of nice things to me when he drove me home. For the strong, macho-type, he certainly has a lot of deep running emotions.

I think the funniest thing that he said to me was, “You are such a fox!” I cracked up in his face – he got pissed and went on and on about it. What a card.

He also said he loved me a lot as a friend, that he cares about me, and he’s glad that we stayed friends and kept in touch when we went away to school.He aslo said he missed me a lot while he was away. I swear I thought he was gonna cry. I couldn’t believe the things I was hearing. Out of the blue he was saying this stuff. I miss him! I wan to talk to him – he’s “a cool dude in a loose mood.”(Crazy Joe and the Variable Speed Band – Eugene)

Anyway… I’ve gotta get back to work. I hope to write a lot when I get through with all my papers and finals.

“I can see you in the morning when you go to school

Don’t forget your books, ya know you’ve got to learn the Golden Rule”